Dear Friends of German Comedy,
I take it we’re all humming Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit. We’re hearing it a lot at the moment at the Winter Olympics. Admittedly not as much as Norway’s Ja, vi elsker dette landet but a good bit more than God Save The Queen. As of now not a single medal for Team Blighty. Not even in floor scrubbing or tea tray downhill sliding.
But make no mistake – winning Olympic medals is INCREDIBLY difficult.
That’s why Britain quite cleverly invented the Commonwealth Games where British fulltime athletes can boost their confidence by competing against the finest postmen, plumbers and bus drivers from Montserrat, Dominica and the Virgin Islands.
It’s like the first round of the FA Cup all the way through.
Sadly, there isn’t a winter sport version of the Commonwealth Games. Interestingly there used to be. It was held three times in the 50s and 60s. Always in St Moritz in Switzerland! I’m sure there’s an educational joke to be made about every participant being given a gold medal what with the ubiquity of gold in Switzerland but I leave that to Jimmy Carr.
Mind you, it’s unsurprising they came to an end because how were the Bahamas, Ghana or even Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland or England ever going to host winter games?
Then again: what’s wrong with the indoor ski slope in Milton Keynes?! You’re unlikely to mistake it for the Alps but holding winter games in Buckinghamshire wouldn’t be any more ridiculous than holding them in Beijing!
As the 1988 Olympic slalom silver medallist Frank Woerndl put it: “Any talk of legacy is a bad joke. Asians don’t go outside once it’s less than five degrees.”
But let’s not judge prematurely. History will tell if Beijing’s legacy can rival London 2012’s, which, let’s not forget, was the catalyst for a big Westfield shopping centre and a tax-payer subsidised new stadium for Cat Kickers United.
Anyway, for now: Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit, hopefully a bit of the old God save the Queen and her favourite son and bring on the speed skating.
See you soon
PS: Please find below a list of upcoming gigs. It would be great to see you at one of those.