Dear Friends of German Comedy,
Hope you’ve all had a good start to the new year!
I am writing this as I am preparing for another year of Get On With It. Not just in Westminster, but in theatres up and down the country.
When I decided on this show title back in 2017 I had no idea that barely a year later every voter and every politician in the country would be quoting me.
Also I didn’t expect the deluge of pro-remain pressure groups that have been asking me to support their frequently ill-thought-through initiatives.
For example, why would anyone sane campaign against foreigners having to pay £65 to apply for settled status?! Arsenal tickets start at £62 and even entry to Alton Bloody Towers is nearly as much and that’s for one day in a small part of Stoke rather than a lifetime’s access to all the attractions all the way from Land’s End to John O’Groats. (Not sure about Northern Ireland at this stage.)
Let’s calmly analyse the situation: someone can’t be arsed to apply for British citizenship but wants to stay. That involves paperwork. The paperwork creates administrative costs. These costs have to be covered. Option 1) Get the beneficiary of the settled status to pay for it. Option 2) Get the taxpayer to cough up.
Why on earth the government has done a U-turn within 24 hours of announcing their policy and plumped for the second option instead is beyond me.
What really gets my goat is the decision to reimburse everyone who had applied already. Listen, the application deadline is June 2021. Anyone organised enough to apply that far ahead of a deadline doesn’t fit into British society anyway. Those keenos shouldn’t be reimbursed, they should be rejected.
Anyway, that’s it from me. I haven’t performed the show since December and I have to get on with fact-checking the script. I am sure it needs a few updates.
Who is Brexit Secretary this month? Surely Karin Bradley isn’t still Northern Ireland Secretary? Has anyone said something glorious about bananas being too straight or too bendy? Has anyone claimed a no-deal Brexit will result in there never ever being another tomato being available in the UK? Well, just bite into an onion instead. Like I used to on Easter Sundays.
Have a great month and all the best
PS: Please find below a list of upcoming shows. It would be great to see you at one of those.