Dear Friends of German Comedy,
I hope you’ve all had an agreeable start to the year. Because, make no mistake, things are going to get a lot worse.
Don’t worry, this is not some petty isn’t-Brexit-terrible nonsense, everyone’s tired of all that. No, things are going to get worse for real. And just like Alan Sked, the person responsible had the best of intentions.
Alfred Nobel died regretted inventing dynamite, Bob Probst regretted creating the office cubicle, and now some unknown person will be mortified when they realise the long-term damage they have done to British society.
But in detail: some student (it’s easy to google her name if you like, I’m not giving her any more publicity than she’s already got) conducted what the papers described as “an emotional call to her mother” about her finances. On a train! In earshot of other people trying to mind their own business.
Is there anything more infuriating than people discussing their lives on mobile phones in public? No, there absolutely isn’t.
Having raised every decent person’s blood pressure to boiling point, she then went to sleep. So her worries were hardly keeping her awake, were they? And if all this wasn’t annoying enough, some well-meaning plonker who couldn’t help overhear the drivel put 100 quid into her lap while she was asleep, thus not only legitimising but actively encouraging her behaviour!
To make matters worse the papers widely reported on the incident, somehow giving it a positive spin. As a result expect even more antisocial wallies using public transport to harp on about their issues. This country used to be about decorum, self-restraint and keeping a stiff upper lip. No more.
I’m dreading the planned introduction of 4G on London Underground in 2019 because as it stands the tube is the capital’s most serene place and the fact cash might have been phased out by then doesn’t make things any better.
Auf Wiedersehen and get yourself some ear protectors
PS: Please find below a list of upcoming dates of my new show ‘Get On With It’. It would be great to see you at one of those. HEAPS MORE DATES TO BE ADDED UP AND DOWN THE COUNTRY. From past experience I can promise you a peaceful atmosphere with no-one using their mobile phone and everyone just sitting there quietly, at times even dozing off with no expectation of waking up wealthier. Bliss.
PPS: I completely forgot to mention the latest prize draw! Here’s the tip-top video. Congratulations to all winners.