This Bulletin is from July 4th, 2016

July 2016

Remind me to never become a pollster. Having handed out cards asking “Should Britain be in the EU?” to every audience member in places as diverse as East Yorkshire, East Anglia, Devon and Cornwall and receiving 75% wanting to stay and even allowing for the fact they’re all people that went to the theatre to see someone foreign, I didn’t see that referendum result coming at all. Mind you, maybe that qualifies me to become a pollster after all. Boom-tish!

Looking on the bright side of that referendum palaver: for several days I have heard no-one complain about politics being boring. The other positive is economic doom and gloom should bring house prices down to a more realistic level. The slight downside: for this to happen there has to be economic doom and gloom in the first place.

Now to the negatives: the whole thing’s a right royal rigmarole. My first reaction has been trying to get going with the glorified pub quiz that is the citizenship test. Some of the hurdles are outright amusing. It transpires I have no officially recognised proof I speak English. Consequently I will have to attend a certified language course. And that’s before the actual test in which you’re asked the number of councils in Cornwall and other equally relevant questions.

Either way, this is the time to quote Vera Lynn “There’ll Always Be An England”. Soon we might start singing “There’ll Only Be An England” but for now let’s stick with the original. Here it is:

Have a bearable month – chin up – stiff upper lip and all that and don’t ask anyone foreign “what are you still doing here?” Not even if you’re foreign yourself. I have done it for a laugh on two occasions and got a very frosty reply on both of them.


Please find below a list of upcoming gigs. It would be great to see you at one of those. NB: Assuming I haven’t been deported.

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