This Bulletin is from April 10th, 2013

April 2013

Dear Friends of German Comedy,

Sorry for the slight delay to this month’s newsletter but I was busy writing out cheques for Cyprus.
And why the devil not? If recent events have shown one thing, there’s no point in saving up anyway!
Traditionally there were three investment models. You could
a) buy a ludicrously overpriced property,
b) lose small amounts of money year on year by putting your money in an interest-free savings account or
c) lose large amounts of money year on year by getting a financial adviser involved.

Now thanks to the collapse of Laiki Bank, we know b) is history and you can lose your nest egg even if you’re frugal.
So the best recipe for a happy life is to forget about money and see hard work as a reward in itself!
I’m so fed up with the banking sector I can’t even get upset about yet more proof that British protectorates are nothing but lawless tax havens. Take it from me: nothing is going to change.

You might remember, the last time someone well-known was found out to be a large-scale tax avoider he wasn’t tried in court by a judge according to the rule of law, but by fellow comedians on a heavily-edited TV panel show. And the British public thought this sufficient punishment. In fact, I was so impressed by his level of repentance I’ve become a semi-regular guest on the show since.
Now for something really controversial: Mick Philpott.

I’ve given it a great amount of thought and I’ve decided (and I’m aware that the liberal media will shout me down on this and Polly Toynbee will say that I’m politicising a tragedy) that, overall, and all things considered, Mick Philpott is a fairly unpleasant character.

But let’s look at the very best of British society rather than the worst: I had a tremendous experience at Belfast Airport recently, where I was stuck for six hours during the blizzard. Whilst in any other airport every delay is greeted by people becoming restless and unpleasant, everyone in Belfast seemed completely unaffected. It only goes to show if you’re used to having your flights cancelled because of Semtex, a bit of snow doesn’t make you lose your cool. I could even detect people getting nostalgic, the same way East Germans love it when shops run out of bananas.

If North Korea manages to pepper the West with nuclear warheads I sincerely hope I’m in Belfast when it happens. Ideally at the airport.

Have a great month and sorry for not including any comment about Margaret Thatcher’s untimely death. Unfortunately the bulletin was as good as written by the time I heard the news.
I could add some quip how from my selfish perspective she left it too late but I’m not sure that would be appropriate


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