This Bulletin is from September 6th, 2009

September 2009

Dear Friends of German Comedy,

Greetings from bonny Scotland, a country in mourning. And it’s not the local arts scene missing the ill-conceived plays at the just finished Edinburgh Fringe that is depressed. No, it’s the country’s football community.

The national team getting trashed 4-0 by Norway, Celtic getting hammered 5-1 by Arsenal and all other sides crashing out the Europe League in equally spectacular fashion – Aberdeen losing 8-1 against Olomuc, Motherwell 6-1 against Steaua Bucharest, Falkirk 2-1 against Vaduz from mighty Liechstenstein and Hearts 4-2 against Zagreb.

The soul-searching takes the predictable course – too many uncommitted foreign players and not enough match time for young home-grown players; before embarking on wider social issues such as kids preferring their Playstations over playing outdoors.

Having attended Hearts – Rangers last week I spotted another Scottish problem: obesity. And that’s just the players. (yes, I’m on very fine comedic form). But seriously, the snack bars inside Tynecastle don’t sell bottled water or anything else that deserves the tag ‘good for you’. Instead they sell Coca-Cola and three different types of Ribena, a drink bound to have a negative impact on life-expectancy. No wonder Scotland is Europe’s obesity capital if you’re force-fed rubbish even at a sporting event.

Just as bad for the future of the game in Scotland is the football authorities’ attempt to stamp out sectarianism – have they ever been to a game? As it stands sectarian singing is the only thing that makes an SPL match worth attending.

But bigotry isn’t as easy as one thinks: I for one can’t make my mind up which Old Firm side to support: I love the current Pope so should support Celtic, the Catholic side. But I am born Protestant so should support Rangers. But being a Protestant in the UK means being loyal to the Queen of England, so I should support Celtic. Then again the Queen of England is German so I should support Rangers. I sometimes wish I would have been born into a Belfast or East Glasgow council estate, with my dad (naively assuming I would know him) telling me who to hate.

[8 minutes later] I have been trying to think of a link to the upcoming London run of ‘Abracadabra – German Humour goes global’, Herr Kuhnle and my new show. Without success. I will now crowbar it in:

You must come and see Herr Kuhnle and my run at Questors Theatre Ealing from Sep 3-5. Or else. Yes, that’s THIS THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY. Tickets available on Latest reviews on and the recently updated

There you go – seamless.

Have a great month


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